So I apologize for allowing so much time to go past before posting again. I think I needed a break for a while, as cleansing as writing is, I feel like it can also make me contemplate and think about things WAY too much which won't always help me move on in life. But I feel like I'm comin back.
I also think it would be a lot easier to blog if I had a camera again, but my little point and shoot broke and I don't like carrying around my huge camera so I haven't been able to take my usual amount of pictures.
Anyway, school's started. Work is work. And I'm in a new show called "Y Light." (its a spoof of Twilight with a little of the U and the Y thrown into the mix) I have so much to be thankful for. The last few weeks have been quite difficult. When school started I was terrified to walk around campus in fear of bumping in to the "dreaded ex" Bum bum BUM! And it happened. First day of school. It happened. And then a few things went down here and there with the hurt continuing, it was almost like it wouldn't let me rest. I was also afraid to run into old friends. I realized a lot of it was that I was ashamed of myself if I thought I would see them. Like I am the scum of the earth and don't deserve to look them in the eye or to be in their presence, and that has changed a lot. School has been hard with out my ASL girls.... and Collin. (Ha ha!) It was really heart breaking at first. I was embarrassed and again, ashamed. And although its been hard I'm feeling a lot better about it.
Firstly, I am so grateful to be in Ylight. I have made so many good friends who are supportive and who love me. There is something about theatre that completes me. Although it causes stress because it does take time out of your schedule and what not, I think it helps me more than hinders me. All growing up I was ALWAYS in a show. The only time I wasn't was during the summer. So I have been accustomed to always being in school and in a show. Spring semester I wasn't in a show and it almost killed me. Rehearsals is such a steam releaser for me. Especially at the Off Broadway Theatre. Everyone there is so caring and understanding and the mood is always "have fun" while getting things done. I have met some pretty amazing people there who have taught me a lot.
This cast is all pretty much around my age. It has provided me with peers to relate to and have fun with. We really all get a long SO well, the chemistry is astounding. I have met some life long friends there, I can already tell. They make me feel so important and help me grow as a person. I want to have pictures to show you, so I'll get that ASAP. But I feel so much love for them and I know that Heavenly Father wanted me in this show to have another great, positive experience in my life. It really has been a key element in helping me become strong within myself again and to see that I can trust in people.
Another thing I love is my sociology class. My professor is so intriguing and its awesome to love a class besides ASL. I connect so much with his way of teaching and I wish more people taught like him. He is so passionate and clear but still teaches me new things everyday. But the thing I love the most is he really makes me feel like these are things I'm learning that I can really apply to help pass the class. They are not just "facts" to memorize and if I don't memorize them then I will fail the class. I feel like he really believes in me, even though we don't talk on a one on one basis very often. Ha, I don't know how to describe it. Moving on...
Institute. My teacher Bro. Forsyth is amazing. Hearing the gospel. Awesome. That pretty much sums it up.... Yup.
And finally as much as working sucks, its nice too because I feel like I am working towards something. Like I am finally starting to walk on my own. Its scary as hell. I feel like I'm a toddler again and my parents are starting to let go of my hands... so scary, but everyone has to do it and I'm finally starting...
And finally, I've been contemplating going to Africa. I really feel like I need to go. I'm not sure how this is all going to work out but I really REALLY have a passion and desire to go and help those kids.... I'll keep you updated.
Much love.
Jen
