Frustrated just a bit.

For some reason I got frustrated at a lot of things today. I've become good friends with some boys in my sociology class and we usually have lunch together afterwards. But I've been feeling really pressured lately about it. I don't think any particular person is pressuring me but myself, and it kills me some days. I'm so afraid of hurting people and of getting hurt. I like making friends. I like talking and getting to know new people. I like reaching my hand out for friendship, and for those of you who know me, its just not hard for me to do it. I enjoy it. But people misread it. Boys end up upset and mad at me, thinking that I'm just jumping from guy to guy, lying to them and using them. Girls end up thinking of me of as always wanting to compete with them or steal their crushes and backstabbing them. For as long as I can remember people have thought these things about me. But if you knew me, for any of you who truly know me know that is the last thing I want to do. So its frustrating when it happens. I have been fighting this for years on end and the only option I can think of doing is to change who I am for everyone else to be happy. I honestly do try to be a good person and people misuse it or misread it, get upset with me, and then I always feel so bad and it kills me inside. Next thing you know there is this "I hate Jen" club in Utah where I feel like people are passing out emotional fliers, changing the way other people see me. 

Its like one of those high school nightmares where you enter the school and everyone is whispering about you when you walk by. Or if someone tries to approach you, someone will stop them and they get this disgusting look on their face and walk away. I promise to each and every one of you who reads this, I honestly, with all of my heart, try to do whats right and be a genuinely good person. Try to be open and fun. Try to be a good friend and will never purposefully do anything to hurt you.