One year and counting

Its been a little over a year since one of the hardest times of my life. You would think that it would get better, but it hasn't changed much really. I still miss him with every fiber of my being. A good majority of the time I would do anything to have him back. I've been having constant dreams about him lately. Every night. Which leads to awful mornings. My dating life has been pretty good, I cannot lie or complain. But recently, every time I am on a date, I just want it to be James. I don't want anyone else. So dating has been so... bland lately. I keep on hoping that someone will come along even though my heart tells me not to keep hoping. Its almost like I can't help it. I'm getting even more frustrated and hurt as each day goes by. I hope to hear from him every time I check my email. I pray that he will call. I dream that he will show up on my doorstep saying that he's sorry and he wants to try again. But the thing that kills me the most is that I know he doesn't care. At all. It doesn't phase him. I'm just a memory and one where he was just "imagining" his feelings for me, it was merely "infatuation." That hurts. So bad. I wish I could just let it go and allow my heart peace.

My feelings right now, in two songs:

Still Hurting:



Someone Like You: