These last few weeks have proven to be very ... important to me. I've learned a lot about myself and have gained a lot of blessings. I got my first A in college and I got three! Not just one, three. I have all of my classes in line. Good times with the family. Good times with friends, including reevaluating situations and myself. I'm growing closer to the Lord and I'm really close to finishing the Book of Mormon. Applying for FASFA, making plans for the future. Getting cast in the show and have a new hope to start developing my talents again, including feeling a ton of support from loved ones.
Although there have been all of these AMAZING things happening in life, there was one not so good memory haunting my mind. Its almost been a year since my break up with James and trying to figure out why its so hard for me to let go. But the Lord has blessed me again.
I've been living this dating philosophy for the past 6 months of using dating as a filtering service, meaning no serious relationships. At first I completely disagreed when I was introduced to this concept. I didn't understand why looking for and having serious relationships were so bad. But because my dating habits and dating perspective of myself were so unhealthy, I knew something had to change. So, I made a promise to myself that I would try it for one semester and see how it worked. I ended up really loving it. It helped me see that relationships are not something to turn to unless you are really serious about the person. And you still got to go out and get to know a variety of people while learning about yourself.
Now, since I have started this I haven't really had anyone I was interested in. I was interested in AJ for a while but I realized that he didn't treat me the way I should be treated and that the relationship wouldn't have been healthy for me. So I made the decision to keep on looking. It was difficult, especially since AJ was the first person I was really attracted to since James.
I've been dating a lot of boys but I never felt like I could truly commit to any of them. I liked some of them but for some reason couldn't feel that commitment. And for a little while I was actually afraid that I had lost my desire to commit and I would never want to again. It was worrying me a bit but I kept on thinking to myself that it would happen with someone when I was ready and open.
The time is creeping closer to the one year mark and the Lord has found yet another way to bless me. I met someone that I actually feel like I would be interested in seeing them. I'm excited to see where it goes. And I love that I can feel healthy while pursuing this relationship. I think the Lord has guided me up to this point recently because he knew I had worked hard and preparing. Now, I'm not saying that I have a ring on my finger, =P, and honestly being close to someone again scares me a little, but I am excited to feel like I want to invest time to see what develops.
The Lord is great. Why should I not rejoice?
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