.Grateful.

I have gotten out of the habit of writing...

Although at times writing seems to be a good outlet, at other moments it just makes me more upset. I don't know why... maybe its because I sit there and dwell on what I write, or I get so sick of explaining myself time and time again. So I apologize for not writing, but I'm back.

For the past few months I've been so upset and confused about recent happenings in my life that I failed to see the ways I have grown. Although life has been hard lately, I've also had a lot of good things.

1) ASL - I have really gained love for my 2nd language of ASL, and have immersed myself in the culture and community. I have grown to love everything about ASL and notice myself communicating and embracing many of the traits of the Deaf world. Because I've gained so many friends I want to spend so much more time with them, I want to sign outside of school and I feel like my skills have sky rocketed. I have had many opportunities to interpret and it has gotten a little bit easier for me and helped me get somewhat comforted. I am so grateful to found an amazing passion and I WILL be an interpreter, no matter how long it takes me or what anyone says.

2) Spencer Blake - My sociology professor. I've found another love! Sociology... and my professor! Ha ha ha! Spencer has done so many things in his life and has affected people from all over the country. That class has honestly changed my life. I got to learn about society and what makes it and effects the people within the society, which is something I love, especially because of all my therapy that I've gone through. Its nice to know why people do the things they do. It made me realize my desire that I have of learning. Spencer told me that I am a great student and I don't give myself enough credit, I have just developed bad school habits. I never realized that its my habits that have made school difficult for me, I always just thought that something was wrong with me. I also never had the desire to go to college, maybe its because I thought I wasn't good enough, but now I really want to complete my education. I was about to give up on my interpreting because I was feeling so discouraged and like a complete failure. But he knocked some sense into me. I love ASL, so a few classes should never stop me from my dream. Its been so nice to have a professor who really believes in me. I'm doing a form of mentorship with him this semester and can't wait to learn more from him. I feel like him and I are a lot alike, I look up to him so much. He is what every professor should be. 

3) My student ward - I have met so many great people who are positive and supportive, who are always there for me. They never make me feel bad for my past, present, or future. They make me laugh, they listen, and they honestly watch out for me. I never feel alone when I'm with them. I always feel loved and accepted. Plus they like board games and always pick out awesome movies!

4) New friends - I have met some new people near and far who have helped me through my struggles and have made me rekindle the love of life, whether the person is from work, school, or the "game of life." I have not felt the way I do right now in a long time. There are days where my depression gets the better of me, but ultimately I am so much happier. I have truly witnessed the love of my Savior through putting the right people in my life that I need to help me along my recent difficult times. I honestly believe he has hand picked the people who are coming across my path, both bad to help me see, more importantly, the good. 

And finally...

5) My Savior - I have already mentioned him, but you can never can say enough about Christ. The Savior has really shown me his love through friends and family. I have felt like his hand has guided recent happenings in my life. I was really upset and hurt because I didn't feel like Heavenly Father was looking out for me. I couldn't understand why James had left, my schooling wasn't going well, and why he had forgotten me. Church was hard, all I could think about during sacrament was how I didn't feel like anything that was being said about the love of Christ applied to me, many tears in sacrament. So many tears. But I tried my best to continue to be patient, constantly seeking for an answer and help, I may have failed at times but I still tried. And then I met a few people who have really helped my testimony grow, helped me feel my Saviors love but most importantly helped me see all of the things that are going right in my life and how much I am growing. I am so grateful for my Savior and the knowledge I have of the truth, the living prophet, and his love for all of us.

So grateful.